Taking a Break--Back Aug. 13

I'm about to leave on a two-week vacation, and I won't be blogging during that time. In fact, I won't be anywhere near a computer, which is a good thing. I'll be with my beau in a cabin near a beautiful bay and nature trails. We'll be just like Thoreau, except we'll have a DVD player. I'll respond to all comments and e-mails upon my return Aug. 13.

1. Interview Update
2. Dispatch From the Back of A Bus
3. Party on in Canada

1. The company that interviewed me last week expressed interest in giving me a job offer; now we're negotiating salary. Apparently, someone who works there knows someone who knows me, and that person gave me a glowing recommendation. I have yet to figure out who these people are, but it feels good to know that people are saying good things about me behind my back. If they set up another office appointment, would it help if I wore my tiara this time? (-:

2. Today, I met a neighbor on the bus on the way home. My sweaty palms were the last thing on my mind; I was more concerned with getting home in time so I could enjoy a bite of the Swiss chocolate and pistachio bar in my grocery bag. Anyhooow, the neighbor shook my hand. I noticed that her hand seemed pretty dry and that mine seemed wet. The conversation continued; it seemed that the sweat was no big deal to her, and I suppose that was was in part because it wasn't a big deal to me. As I get older, I find myself caring less about these sorts of things. I suppose it's one of the benefits of aging.

3. Oh, by the way...Happy Hyperhidrosis Month to all my Canadian readers!

Advice for Sweaty-Palmed Job Seekers

Did you know that most job seekers, and yes, even some recruiters, have sweaty palms? Gretchen Ledgard, who spent six years working as a technical recruiter for Microsoft, gave Sweaty Palm Diaries some free advice for those of us who dread those interview handshakes. The Japanese bow might not be an option for American job seekers, but as Gretchen reveals, the sweaty palms aren't as tragic as you might think!

While at Microsoft, Gretchen co-founded and managed a popular weblog that was named recruiting.com’s Best Blog for Job Seekers in 2005. Now she and Zoe Goldring have their own company, JobSyntax, that links software engineers with employers. Gretchen's most recent honor is the "Sweaty Palm Diaries" Golden Tiara, awarded to those who display exemplary grooviness to people with hyperhidrosis.

Tiara: I thought it was very brave that you, while working as a Microsoft recruiter, revealed on your blog that you have palmar hyperhidrosis. Your disclosure triggered many reader responses, including some from those who have the condition themselves...did the reactions surprise you? Are you glad that you wrote that blog entry?

Gretchen: Yes, the reaction totally surprised me. First, I should say that I’ve never seen a doctor about my condition or been formally diagnosed, but I suppose it’s just one of those things you know you have. (-: I wrote the entry partially to be funny and partially to expose misconceptions about recruiters, like we all love to talk and we all shake hands. I had no idea so many people would identify with my problem!

How did you choose to go into recruiting--it's a career in which handshakes play such an important role! For me, that would have been very scary! Too bad we can’t bow like Japanese businesspeople.

Honestly, it never even occurred to me before I took the job. And once I became a recruiter and routinely shook people’s hands, I realized that because of interviewees’ nervousness, their hands were often more sweaty than mine. I guess nerves are the great equalizer. (-:

Have others ever reacted negatively to your sweaty palms, and if so, what are some of the more effective ways you have handled it? And have you ever felt that the condition made it more difficult to succeed professionally?

The people who have overtly reacted negatively have usually been in my personal life, not my professional life. Perhaps people just don’t say something out of professional courtesy. (-: I do often get the ‘wow, your hands are cold!’ line, and I matter-of-factly respond, ‘Yes, they are usually always cold. Damp, too.’
If the condition has affected me personally, it’s probably been by my own actions. Often when I’m in a networking situation, I’ll hang back for fear of having to shake hands. I’ll also try to do a casual wave to avoid the handshake, and I suppose this can come across as not being forceful enough. But I can’t point to anything specific that negatively impacted my career.

Putting on your recruiter hat for a moment…You have two equally qualified, professional, and personable candidates. One has sweaty palms. Would you--or would recruiters who are not aware of the medical condition--consider this to be a major weakness and opt for the candidate with dry palms?

I think it depends on the role. I have always recruited software engineers, and this group isn’t the most put-together bunch. An engineer with sweaty palms wouldn’t even compare to some of the interviewees I’ve encountered. If you are dealing with a good technical recruiter, I don’t think sweaty palms would harm a candidate’s chances. However, I can’t speak for recruiters for other fields, such as sales and human resources. If the job requires a lot of in-person networking and relationship building, sweaty palms could be considered a negative factor.

What advice would you give to a job seeker who has hyperhidrosis and is afraid to shake hands? What if the Drysol doesn’t work, and he can’t afford (or opts not) to do the more expensive treatments?

My secret friend has always been a pocket of tissues to soak up the moisture. Tricks aside, my advice would be to have confidence. Most of the job seekers I’ve met have sweaty palms. An interview setting is a great time to play on level ground.

What if you’re a job candidate with obviously sweaty hands? Should you say something--perhaps a humorous one-liner? I find people who don’t take themselves too seriously to be seriously charming...would this work in a job interview? Or is humor during a job interview too risky? Would it be best to pretend the obvious is not happening?

I agree that humor may not be the best approach. I would be very matter-of-fact about the condition. If it’s something a job seeker is worried about prior to the interview and she has a good rapport with her recruiter, she could explain the condition and ask for advice. In some cases, the recruiter could prepare interviewers. If someone does say something or give a funny second glance, a job seeker could state, ‘I’m so happy to be here today, and I want you to know I’m not nervous. I tend to always have sweaty palms.’

Do you have anything you’d like to say to the many teenagers out there who suffer from hyperhidrosis? Is it true that things get easier after high school?

Yes, things do get easier. I would encourage teenagers to research and explain the condition to others. I find people often make fun of things they don’t understand, but when they are educated on a topic, they are very supportive.

They Say It's Hereditary...then why does no one talk about it?




<<"Honey, why does that needle keep slipping out of your hand? And why is baby dropping the blocks?"

Job Interview!

"How about a little fire, scarecrow?" "How about a little interview handshake, Tiara?"

OK, so maybe I overdramatize this sweaty palm thing sometimes. (-:

I have a job interview this week. The position looks like it might be something I would enjoy, though my current job is fine too. I'll be meeting about eight different people in three hours, including some with Very Important Titles. Thankfully, handshaking is nowhere near as scary to me as was fire to the scarecrow.

Nevertheless, I'm trying to decide whether to start applying Drysol and risk having the accompanying itchy, icky skin texture. Or should I live with the sweat and hope The People With Very Important Titles don't care? The sweat and anxiety have greatly dissipated in recent years, but sometimes those extra-sweaty days creep up on me without warning. Plus it's supposed to be 100 degrees that day. Do I need to change this thing about myself in order to get the job? Help me out here, folks!

One comforting thought: If a Wicked Witch interviews me, my handshake might make her melt away! Or maybe I'll meet Glinda the Good Witch, wearing her poofy gown and tiara. If that's the case, I'll take the job...and the ruby slippers!

<<"I'm melting! Damn you, Tiara! I'll never make it to VP!"

Wah! Bah!

I had a perfectly fine day today...had two sweet e-mails from friends and enjoyed a nice lunch at a Thai restaurant with another friend. My sweetie was planning my birthday celebration next week. I didn't feel nervous or self-conscious. But by the end of the day, my knee highs were stained black from my shoes and I had blisters on my feet from where my sweaty skin rubbed against the leather. I know I should consider using Drysol on my feet (that's what the doctor said), but I don't want the aligator skin it leaves me with!

All day I saw women parading around hoseless and sockless in their beautiful open-toe sandals and heels. Yes, indeed, I felt lust in my heart...for the shoes. Meanwhile, I was wearing knee highs on this humid 92 degree day. Just when I think this sweaty hands/feet thing is getting better...Waah!

(BTW, I hate to whine about my footwear fiascos today, given the terrible news. You read an article like that and it puts everything in perspective...so now that my whining is over, it's time to say a prayer for the victims and their families, then move on to do whatever I can to bring some loving energy to this world while I'm here.)

Taking the Plunge

“If you want to overcome your anxiety, you’re going to have to face your fears and confront the monster you fear the most.” These words come from Dr. David D. Burns, author of the self-help classic Feeling Good. So what does that mean for folks with hyperhidrosis? Do you go up to someone on the subway and say, “Excuse me, sir. Would you mind holding my sweaty foot for a moment?”

As much as I would enjoy watching such a scene during my usually uneventful subway commute, you might first try another tactic. IMHO, I would suggest starting small and with folks who know and love you well. For me, it was a big deal when I told a few close friends. One was very compassionate; another didn’t get why the sweat was such a big problem.

After those baby steps came bigger breakthroughs….including one at a week-long yoga retreat workshop 10 years ago. As you might guess, the folks who go to yoga retreats also enjoy holding hands as a group. I like to make fun of this “type” of person, as if there is a type. The truth is, I’m one of them. Hey, some people like NASCAR. I happen to like tofu and twig tea and communing with people who say things like “Just be.”

So I signed up for a “Radical Self-Acceptance” workshop, which turned out to be a place where you could really let it all hang out. Here, primal screams were about as common as “would you please pass the salt” at Thanksgiving. After hearing about all the problems others had, from STDs to distant dads to cheating hearts, I figured I’d add my sweaty palms to the mix…it would probably be anticlimactic. So I disclosed to the group that I am afraid to hold hands with others and why.

As I spoke, someone reached out and held my hand. I remember how incredibly good this touch felt. A self-built barrier between me and others was beginning to crumble. For the rest of that week, during those previously dreaded group-hug hand-holding team-building moments, many in the group rallied behind me. They even sought me out to hold my hand. Maybe my sweaty palms weren’t as gross to others as I had thought?

This doesn’t mean that I suddenly had dry palms or became anxiety-free in social situations. But it was a big breakthrough… a reason to hope.

More on Dr. Burns coming soon…

The joys of being a high school graduate

I really appreciate Catherine's response to my June 23 post. It was nice to get some feedback from a reader. Plus Catherine reminds me of myself as a Catholic school student afraid to shake hands during Mass.

I had elaborate strategies for avoiding the "sign of peace" handshake during Mass:
1) position myself near some of the nicer students or those too polite to laugh at me
2) sit near the aisle for a quick escape before the handshake
3) stay home from school altogether.
4) make a joke out of it and give everyone the peace symbol rather than the handshake.

As you might guess, this was a lot of work!

Later on in high school, I began using Drysol. Though it helped reduce the sweating, it also caused my skin to itch and crack. I recently learned why this happened from www.sweatsolutions.org --my technique of applying the Drysol and wrapping my hand in plastic overnight is not recommended because it causes skin irritation--d'oh!)

Now I can go to a mass and shake hands without feeling anxious (OK, well maybe a little). My hands don't seem to sweat as much now that I'm less anxious--even when I'm not using the Drysol. Or if they do sweat, no one seems to notice. Older people (in general) are less likely to comment on sweaty palms than high school students.

More importantly, I'm a lot less worried about what others think of me now that I'm out of high school. I wish I knew than what I knew now: just about everyone in high school feels like a freak for one thing or another.

This is my roundabout way of saying to Catherine and other high school students to hang in there...it gets easier.

I stumbled on another blog written by someone who has hyperhidrosis. Gretchen's blog is not about her hyperhidrosis--rather it's about technical jobs at Microsoft, where she had worked as a recruiter until a few months ago. (Talk about a job involving lots of handshaking!) In one of her blog entries, she mentioned the sweaty palms she gets before conducting job interviews.

It's good to see a fellow person with palmar HH doing so well in corporate America...yet she still has the courage to talk about her condition in a public forum. Thank you, Gretchen!

The Balancing Act

Sometimes it feels a little odd to write this blog. Is this navel-gazing? Is it really useful to other people? Is this too much self-exposure? What about all the other issues in the world that are so much more important than my own emotional struggle? And what about all the other subjects and interests that occupy my mind...writing, art, being outdoors, social justice, peace, etc.? We are all so much more than the medical conditions we face.

When I was a child, I told my mother about my sweaty palms and how I was scared to go to church or to a school dance. "Just wipe them off on your pants," she told me. Then she would try to reassure me by telling me how lucky I am compared with other children because I have a nice home and enough food to eat. Or how lucky I am because getting good grades in school came easy to me. She had a valid point, but unfortunately, I ended up feeling worse. I felt guilty for feeling bad about my sweaty palms--there are starving children in Africa and I'm worried about a little sweat? The result was that I didn't get the help I needed.

I've come to see the importance of balance when it comes to dealing with hyperhidrosis. You have to get yourself the medical and emotional help you need in order to live a full and happy life. You need to acknowledge and let yourself feel the emotions that arise in response to your condition, whether that be sadness, anger, or fear. And not to judge yourself for feeling that way.

On the other hand, it helps to look beyond yourself. To see and feel compassion for the struggles of others. It helps put your medical condition in perspective.
Perhaps you might even take action to help ease others' suffering. You might appeal to your Congressional representative to take a stand against the genocide in Darfur, a region of the African country Sudan. You might pray for the people of Iraq and our troops who are in so much danger. You might focus on your local community, volunteering to tutor a student.

I'm no Mother Theresa, but I do volunteer a few times a month at a local assisted living facility, visiting an older gentleman who is unable to leave the building alone. He likes to have visitors. He teaches me chess, and each week as I lose yet another game to him, I "build character." (-:

When I take the spotlight off myself, I find that my social anxiety (and the excessive sweat that results) isn't so bad. My sweaty palms are the last thing on my mind when I'm getting my butt kicked in chess! When we finish the game, we thank each other and shake hands. This must be what they mean by the expression 'healing touch.'