Thank goodness for Drysol!

I tried on wedding gowns yesterday, and I didn't have to worry about leaving sweat stains on the gowns.

Now I only need to figure out how to stop leaving sweat stains on the poles on the subway train.

Wikipedia woes

I had posted a link to my blog on Wikipedia, assuming it would be acceptable because I'm writing this blog as a public service, not to make money or promote myself.

My link kept getting removed, and I wasn't sure why.

It turned out that a Wiki editor had removed the link because he considered it to be spam.

So I wrote to the editor, whose user name is Mwanner:

Hello Mwanner: I'm writing to find out why you removed my Sweaty Palm Diaries blog from the list of external links for the hyperhidrosis page. I'm writing the site as a public service to people with hyperhidrosis, looking at treatment options, studies, and related psychological issues from a patient's point of view. I am not profiting, nor do I wish to profit, from the website in any way. The users who find my site through Wikipedia do not consider my link to be spam, and if you read their comments, they thank me for helping them by writing about this socially embarrasing condition.

I would be most grateful if you would reinstate my link -- http://sweatypalmdiaries.blogspot.com/.

Best wishes,
Tiara


Here is his response:
Two reasons, both covered in Wikipedia's External links policy, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WP:EL -- thou shalt not add links to your own site, and blog links generally are a no-no. Why not work on the text of the article? We need that much more than we need more external links.

Cheers!
Marc

OK, he makes some good points. I can't change to Wiki policy, and I see how it makes sense, but it would be nice if they allowed links to blogs like mine that are created to help others.

Does anyone have other suggestions on how to raise awareness of my blog? I don't want to do all this work if no one sees it.

Blame it on the brain

According to a Mayo clinic study, hyperhidrosis originates in the brain: "...one part of the brain controls the sweating response to body temperature, while another area controls the sympathetic, or emotional sweating response. For reasons unclear to hyperhidrosis researchers, the emotional component is in overdrive. The result is typically a healthy individual who perspires excessively, even in mildly stressful situations, such as a handshake or job interview."

Happy Holidays, All You Sweaty-Palmed Lovelies!

May you enjoy good food and festive fun with good friends and loving family who love you for who you are. Let's get out there and represent. If there's a few of us at every party, then the dry-palmed people will feel left out. (-:

I used to drink a lot so I wouldn't feel really nervous at parties. After a few interesting "learning experiences," I can say with 100 percent certainty that I'd rather be sweaty and sober than drunk and dry.

What's everyone doing for the holidays? How do you feel about going to holiday parties...nervous? excited? a mix of both?

Here are some tips from the International Hyperhidrosis Society for staying sweat-free over the holidays.
Love,
Tiara

Iontophoresis

Several readers have asked me if I've tried iontophoresis. Yes I did, many years ago as a teenager. I worked long hours at minimum wage to buy the Drionic equipment and use it in my bedroom, hoping that my siblings would not see me and tease me. It hurt like hell! And it didn't work. But that was a long time ago, so I'm sure the technology has improved.

The doctors at a medical conference I attended recommended the Fischer galvanic unit over Drionic. I tried it briefly at the conference, and it didn't hurt so bad.

Anyone else out there try iontophoresis? Seems like one of the best options out there for the palmar hyperhidrosis.

Study compares palmar and axilliary hyperhidrosis

Botox information

A blog called BotoxCorner discusses the use of Botox to treat hyperhidrosis. It was hard to tell who is writing this blog and why, and whether he has any conflicts of interest that would make his blog less trustworthy. But it is worth at least checking out.

I saw Botox treatments (underarms and palms) administered at a medical conference. The doctor used ice cubes to numb the area just before the shots. The patients flinched a little but did not seem to be in major pain. There was slight bleeding from the area covered. Palmar injections are said to be more painful than axilliary injections. Iontophoresis seems to be a preferable option for most people.

The other problem with Botox is that it is expensive and not always covered by insurance.

I am wavering between treating my palmar hyperhidrosis and not treating it. I seem to be doing OK without the treatment.

Talking to your parents about hyperhidrosis

"John," a reader of this blog, wrote to me asking for suggestions on how to tell his parents about his hyperhidrosis. I think John is very smart to put some thought into this, because your approach will help determine what kind of support you will get from your parents.

I think I could have handled this issue better as a teenager. I used to put on a tough facade...I would pretend I didn't like any kind of activity that might expose my hyperhidrosis. Dances are stupid. Theater is stupid. Church is stupid. Class rings are stupid. Group pictures with the swim team are stupid. Sometimes I even believed what I said. It was easier to reject everything than to show up at the group picture with my wet feet making marks on the floor or to have someone notice my class ring *and* my sweaty hand. I definitely wouldn't advise the "tough facade" approach to talking to parents.

When I did ask for help, I was told that I was lucky to have my problem compared with other people's problems. I had enough food to eat, a healthy body, good grades in school...what more could I want? Yes, there are always people who are worse off, but hyperhidrosis is a real problem. In fact, studies show that treatment of hyperhidrosis improves one's quality of life more than treatment of many conditions that are considered more serious.

So before you ask for help, I suggest rehearsing what you're going to say and letting your parents know how the condition impacts your social life. Tell them about the time no one wanted to dance with you because of your sweaty palms, or the time a teacher made fun of you in front of others, or whatever might have happened to you because of your sweating. Tell them that non-surgical treatment is available from dermatologists, and your visit is most likely to be covered by health insurance. Print out information from the internet (especially www.sweathelp.org) to show to your parents. Try not to get angry if you don't get the response you want...it may take your parents some time to understand what you are going through. Finally, mention the problem to your doctor at your next office visit. The doctor could talk to your parents about the need for treatment. Hyperhidrosis is a common problem (3 or 4 percent of the U.S. population), so I would be shocked if your doctor even blinks an eye when you talk to him or her.

The International Hyperhidrosis Society has a lot of good information for teenagers, including an "ask frances" column written by a teenager who got treatment for her hyperhidrosis. Scroll down the page to see a letter that addresses this issue in great detail.

I'd like to write more about this important issue, so please feel free to jump in and offer your thoughts and suggestions for me and John.

Thanks for writing, John, and please keep us posted!

Singapore Support

Any people in Singapore with hyperhidrosis reading my blog? If so, check out the Singapore Support Group. It's great to see folks banding together to support each other.

The Wet Hands Club

At first, the Wet Hands Club sounds like a good idea: "The Wet Hands Club is possibly the first of its kind in Malaysia, formed as a support group for people with palmar hyperhidrosis, or excessively sweaty palms."

Three "wet hands sufferers" formed the club "as a platform to share their experiences in order to help other people with hyperhidrosis."

Yes, I'm all for people with hyperhidrosis supporting each other and sharing experiences. That's what this blog is for. However, in an effort to help HH sufferers, the club negotiated "for an interest-free instalment payment scheme with Maybank-Visa for those wishing to undergo the video-assisted thoracoscopic sympathectomy procedure at a selected private hospital in Kuala Lumpur." No mention of the all-too-common side effects of this procedure. Too many patients report compensatory sweating much worse than ever.

Please, Wet Hands Club, make it clear that surgery is a last resort. There are many less-invasive treatments for people to consider before the surgery.

The princess with the sweaty palms

I rarely notice people's rings or jewelry. I rarely check to see if someone is wearing a wedding band. Now that I'm wearing an engagement ring, I am noticing how many people notice rings, specifically mine!

"Ooh, is that your engagement ring?" a colleague said. Suddenly I was surrounded by other colleagues, wanting to see my ring up close. "Where did you get it?" "What kind of gemstone is that?" (I love color, so I opted to get a gemstone rather than a diamond.) One woman took my cold, sweaty hand in hers. She recoiled. "Oh! Your hand is cold!"

I drew my hand away, and my tough outer shell came back. I quickly ended the conversation and moved on. I wish I could have enjoyed that moment.

Later, I recounted the incident to my therapy group. A few people felt that it was "incredibly rude" for that person to comment out loud on my cold hand. I hadn't thought of it that way before. I honestly belive my coworker was not trying to be hurtful. Is it really necessary to heap the bad feelings on myself? Maybe he's right...my coworker probably should have kept her revulsion to herself.

But I don't want to be mad at her. I just want to enjoy my ring and what it represents...the love of my life.

"It's Us in Our True Form"

Thanks to Sarah, who is "22 and from good old Sydney, Australia," who took the time to share her story:


I always used to sweat (excessively with exercise) but even when I did nothing at all. Most commonly my underarms would just drip water (even after a shower!!) - it would scare me because I'd think, why the heck is there water trickling down under my arm when I've only just showered and dried. It used to frustrate me, to the point I've only ever worn black & dark colours, I hardly ever wear T-shirts unless black! I always get that annoying dampness (WHICH IS HUGE in size - like a flood) under my arms. It's so F*cking embarrassing.

I used to work at a pharmacy so I knew there were treatments & I did a lot of research on excessive hyperhydrosis such as getting botox injections into the glands (like Linsday Lohan), and or removing them completely & using alumininium hexahydrate chloride antiperspirants such as Dri-Clor. I know everything is bad for you in the long term, but it did seem to work for me for awhile, it was the after irritation that leave me scratching like I had fleas.

I've just learned to deal with it because it's all I know. It embarrasses me when I'm getting close to someone that I'll be sweaty & I Havent even done anything. It upsets me my shirt is always soaked and I have to hide it. :(

I thought it was only my underarms, but I have noticed my hands are ALWAYS cold and slightly clammy, and my feet! I didnt know they sweat - But i've noticed my socks are always soaked and damp. But foot odour is evidence there excessive sweating down there.

I'm sticking to natural cotton materials and I'd rather stay away from
anything so concentrated with Aluminium because afterall, humans
shouldnt have to wear anything - it's us in our true form.

Food for Thought

What are the beautiful things you've seen today? What are you grateful for? What can you feel good about? What will you give yourself permission to feel good about?

Changing your self-talk can change the way you live, and it can also change the way others respond to you. Those who expect to be loved are loved, and those who believe they're unlovable are less likely to get the love they need.

We all deserve to be loved. The beauty of God is within each of us...go ahead, let it show.

Love,
Tiara

The ring!

We bought an engagement ring, and I had it sized today. My hands were a little sweaty while I was trying on different size bands. "Were you just out walking a lot?" the salesguy asked me. I said yes. It would have been interesting if I had said "oh, that's just my hyperhidrosis acting up again!" I am so used to hiding my condition that I didn't think twice about telling the guy I was out walking briskly, when in fact I hadn't.

What if all of us with HH stopped hiding our condition at the same time?

I've never worn rings before ... I suppose because I didn't want people to notice my hands. I'll get the ring back in about a week. I'm a little afraid others will want to hold my hand while looking at it.

Damn it...I want to enjoy the ring!

Sweat and Let Sweat?

Check out "Inspiration," a blog by Janet, a woman in her late 20s who has excessive underarm perspiration. She advocates a "sweat and let sweat" approach to dealing with HH because she is concerned about the alleged link between anti-perspirants with aluminum and Alzheimer's disease. I have not fully investigated this issue, but I do fall on the "natural woman" end of the spectrum, avoiding unhealthy ingredients in foods and products whenever possible.

On the other hand, I was able to treat my excessive underarm perspiration with Drysol, which contains aluminum. The improvements in my quality of life was worth it to me. The Drysol doesn't seem to work as well for my hands and feet, however, and I don't wish to apply it all the time.

I think Janet's perspective is worth considering, though of course we all need to choose the treatment that works best for ourselves. In any case, I think it's great to see people with HH speaking up about their condition.

Another Groovy Blogger with Hyperhidrosis

Check out Windy's World, a very engaging blog by an artist/elementary school teacher. She wrote this summer about her hyperhidrosis. She tried antihydral, a cream that can be applied on her hands and feet. "After a few days of using the product, I've discovered that it works fairly well," she wrote.

I also enjoyed looking at the paintings on Windy's site and reading about her adventures as a teacher.

Maybe I'll give the cream a try. Has anyone else tried it?

This weekend, I held hands with a group of people and actually enjoyed it! My palms sweated only a little. I never thought I'd see the day!

Things I did in the past month that I would have been really scared to do 15 years ago:

* get a pedicure and a massage!
* attend a business event, introduce myself to people and initiate a handshake!
* go shopping for an engagement ring!
* sign up for a retreat with huggy people who like to do crazy things such holding hands in a circle!

I'm becoming a big proponent of the "full disclosure" policy for those situations when someone will need to touch my sweaty hands or feet for an extended period of time. I say something like "You might notice that my hands (or feet) are really sweaty. It's because of a medical condition I have, not because I'm nervous. My sweat glands seem to have their own schedule, and they won’t tell me what it is." When I communicated this to the massage therapist, she said "thank you for telling me." Ironically, I end up sweating less because I feel less nervous.

I don't recommend full disclosure for more formal situations such as business meetings, but in informal or spiritual settings, it works great. Don’t apologize, just state it in a matter-of-fact way. Don’t deprive yourself of the connections with others that you need and deserve.

Already a Winner

According to www.sweathelp.org, a teenager with hyperhidrosis will be competing in the Miss Virginia Teen contest this weekend. Frances Rivers suffered from hyperhidrosis until she was able to receive medical treatment with Botox and iontophoresis. She has spoken publicly about her condition and written a Q&A column for teenagers with hyperhidrosis.

Congratulations, Frances...you go, girl!

The Engagement Ring

My fiancee asked me if I wanted him to surprise me with an engagement ring or if I'd prefer that we shop together. I opted for the latter, and that was his preference too. We've been engaged for about five weeks now, and we have yet to go shopping. I suppose we're both procrastinating, dreading the wedding industry sharks with dollar signs in their eyes. One friend said that one store only shows ring prices to men. The idea is that the brides-to-be will fall in love with a really expensive rock, and hey...you love her enough to buy it, right? Right???

I must admit that it's not just weddingindustryphobia that is holding me back. I'm anxious about having my sweaty palms exposed during the shopping experience and after the purchase when people want to check out my ring. I tell myself "it's not about the ring...the ring doesn't really matter." But the truth is that I would like a ring. Doesn't need to be the biggest rock in the world, just something that I would feel happy wearing and that is within our budget.

Hi, I am back from vacation with a completely different life from the one I had before:
* My boyfriend and I are now engaged. He proposed to me on top of a mountain...very sweet and romantic.
* I accepted the job I interviewed for in early August.

Amid these changes, the hyperhidrosis is sitting comfortably in the back seat of my life. It's not something I worry about daily, but it's still there. And every once in a while it demands my attention. I wish I could pacify it with a movie or a snack like a kid in a mini-van. There, there, sweaty palms...now go away! And I'm still dedicated to producing something that will be helpful to people who have the medical condition, including myself.

My fiancee (that phrase still seems so new to me!) and I are going to go shopping for a ring soon. I must admit that I'm in no hurry to buy the rock. First, I'm not a big fan of the out-of-control wedding industry. Second, I'm not looking forward to people holding my hand and examining the ring. When this happens, if people say 'your hands are so sweaty!' I vow to say in a matter-of-fact way, 'Why, yes they are.' And I'm not going to look ashamed.

Taking a Break--Back Aug. 13

I'm about to leave on a two-week vacation, and I won't be blogging during that time. In fact, I won't be anywhere near a computer, which is a good thing. I'll be with my beau in a cabin near a beautiful bay and nature trails. We'll be just like Thoreau, except we'll have a DVD player. I'll respond to all comments and e-mails upon my return Aug. 13.

1. Interview Update
2. Dispatch From the Back of A Bus
3. Party on in Canada

1. The company that interviewed me last week expressed interest in giving me a job offer; now we're negotiating salary. Apparently, someone who works there knows someone who knows me, and that person gave me a glowing recommendation. I have yet to figure out who these people are, but it feels good to know that people are saying good things about me behind my back. If they set up another office appointment, would it help if I wore my tiara this time? (-:

2. Today, I met a neighbor on the bus on the way home. My sweaty palms were the last thing on my mind; I was more concerned with getting home in time so I could enjoy a bite of the Swiss chocolate and pistachio bar in my grocery bag. Anyhooow, the neighbor shook my hand. I noticed that her hand seemed pretty dry and that mine seemed wet. The conversation continued; it seemed that the sweat was no big deal to her, and I suppose that was was in part because it wasn't a big deal to me. As I get older, I find myself caring less about these sorts of things. I suppose it's one of the benefits of aging.

3. Oh, by the way...Happy Hyperhidrosis Month to all my Canadian readers!

Advice for Sweaty-Palmed Job Seekers

Did you know that most job seekers, and yes, even some recruiters, have sweaty palms? Gretchen Ledgard, who spent six years working as a technical recruiter for Microsoft, gave Sweaty Palm Diaries some free advice for those of us who dread those interview handshakes. The Japanese bow might not be an option for American job seekers, but as Gretchen reveals, the sweaty palms aren't as tragic as you might think!

While at Microsoft, Gretchen co-founded and managed a popular weblog that was named recruiting.com’s Best Blog for Job Seekers in 2005. Now she and Zoe Goldring have their own company, JobSyntax, that links software engineers with employers. Gretchen's most recent honor is the "Sweaty Palm Diaries" Golden Tiara, awarded to those who display exemplary grooviness to people with hyperhidrosis.

Tiara: I thought it was very brave that you, while working as a Microsoft recruiter, revealed on your blog that you have palmar hyperhidrosis. Your disclosure triggered many reader responses, including some from those who have the condition themselves...did the reactions surprise you? Are you glad that you wrote that blog entry?

Gretchen: Yes, the reaction totally surprised me. First, I should say that I’ve never seen a doctor about my condition or been formally diagnosed, but I suppose it’s just one of those things you know you have. (-: I wrote the entry partially to be funny and partially to expose misconceptions about recruiters, like we all love to talk and we all shake hands. I had no idea so many people would identify with my problem!

How did you choose to go into recruiting--it's a career in which handshakes play such an important role! For me, that would have been very scary! Too bad we can’t bow like Japanese businesspeople.

Honestly, it never even occurred to me before I took the job. And once I became a recruiter and routinely shook people’s hands, I realized that because of interviewees’ nervousness, their hands were often more sweaty than mine. I guess nerves are the great equalizer. (-:

Have others ever reacted negatively to your sweaty palms, and if so, what are some of the more effective ways you have handled it? And have you ever felt that the condition made it more difficult to succeed professionally?

The people who have overtly reacted negatively have usually been in my personal life, not my professional life. Perhaps people just don’t say something out of professional courtesy. (-: I do often get the ‘wow, your hands are cold!’ line, and I matter-of-factly respond, ‘Yes, they are usually always cold. Damp, too.’
If the condition has affected me personally, it’s probably been by my own actions. Often when I’m in a networking situation, I’ll hang back for fear of having to shake hands. I’ll also try to do a casual wave to avoid the handshake, and I suppose this can come across as not being forceful enough. But I can’t point to anything specific that negatively impacted my career.

Putting on your recruiter hat for a moment…You have two equally qualified, professional, and personable candidates. One has sweaty palms. Would you--or would recruiters who are not aware of the medical condition--consider this to be a major weakness and opt for the candidate with dry palms?

I think it depends on the role. I have always recruited software engineers, and this group isn’t the most put-together bunch. An engineer with sweaty palms wouldn’t even compare to some of the interviewees I’ve encountered. If you are dealing with a good technical recruiter, I don’t think sweaty palms would harm a candidate’s chances. However, I can’t speak for recruiters for other fields, such as sales and human resources. If the job requires a lot of in-person networking and relationship building, sweaty palms could be considered a negative factor.

What advice would you give to a job seeker who has hyperhidrosis and is afraid to shake hands? What if the Drysol doesn’t work, and he can’t afford (or opts not) to do the more expensive treatments?

My secret friend has always been a pocket of tissues to soak up the moisture. Tricks aside, my advice would be to have confidence. Most of the job seekers I’ve met have sweaty palms. An interview setting is a great time to play on level ground.

What if you’re a job candidate with obviously sweaty hands? Should you say something--perhaps a humorous one-liner? I find people who don’t take themselves too seriously to be seriously charming...would this work in a job interview? Or is humor during a job interview too risky? Would it be best to pretend the obvious is not happening?

I agree that humor may not be the best approach. I would be very matter-of-fact about the condition. If it’s something a job seeker is worried about prior to the interview and she has a good rapport with her recruiter, she could explain the condition and ask for advice. In some cases, the recruiter could prepare interviewers. If someone does say something or give a funny second glance, a job seeker could state, ‘I’m so happy to be here today, and I want you to know I’m not nervous. I tend to always have sweaty palms.’

Do you have anything you’d like to say to the many teenagers out there who suffer from hyperhidrosis? Is it true that things get easier after high school?

Yes, things do get easier. I would encourage teenagers to research and explain the condition to others. I find people often make fun of things they don’t understand, but when they are educated on a topic, they are very supportive.

They Say It's Hereditary...then why does no one talk about it?




<<"Honey, why does that needle keep slipping out of your hand? And why is baby dropping the blocks?"

Job Interview!

"How about a little fire, scarecrow?" "How about a little interview handshake, Tiara?"

OK, so maybe I overdramatize this sweaty palm thing sometimes. (-:

I have a job interview this week. The position looks like it might be something I would enjoy, though my current job is fine too. I'll be meeting about eight different people in three hours, including some with Very Important Titles. Thankfully, handshaking is nowhere near as scary to me as was fire to the scarecrow.

Nevertheless, I'm trying to decide whether to start applying Drysol and risk having the accompanying itchy, icky skin texture. Or should I live with the sweat and hope The People With Very Important Titles don't care? The sweat and anxiety have greatly dissipated in recent years, but sometimes those extra-sweaty days creep up on me without warning. Plus it's supposed to be 100 degrees that day. Do I need to change this thing about myself in order to get the job? Help me out here, folks!

One comforting thought: If a Wicked Witch interviews me, my handshake might make her melt away! Or maybe I'll meet Glinda the Good Witch, wearing her poofy gown and tiara. If that's the case, I'll take the job...and the ruby slippers!

<<"I'm melting! Damn you, Tiara! I'll never make it to VP!"

Wah! Bah!

I had a perfectly fine day today...had two sweet e-mails from friends and enjoyed a nice lunch at a Thai restaurant with another friend. My sweetie was planning my birthday celebration next week. I didn't feel nervous or self-conscious. But by the end of the day, my knee highs were stained black from my shoes and I had blisters on my feet from where my sweaty skin rubbed against the leather. I know I should consider using Drysol on my feet (that's what the doctor said), but I don't want the aligator skin it leaves me with!

All day I saw women parading around hoseless and sockless in their beautiful open-toe sandals and heels. Yes, indeed, I felt lust in my heart...for the shoes. Meanwhile, I was wearing knee highs on this humid 92 degree day. Just when I think this sweaty hands/feet thing is getting better...Waah!

(BTW, I hate to whine about my footwear fiascos today, given the terrible news. You read an article like that and it puts everything in perspective...so now that my whining is over, it's time to say a prayer for the victims and their families, then move on to do whatever I can to bring some loving energy to this world while I'm here.)

Taking the Plunge

“If you want to overcome your anxiety, you’re going to have to face your fears and confront the monster you fear the most.” These words come from Dr. David D. Burns, author of the self-help classic Feeling Good. So what does that mean for folks with hyperhidrosis? Do you go up to someone on the subway and say, “Excuse me, sir. Would you mind holding my sweaty foot for a moment?”

As much as I would enjoy watching such a scene during my usually uneventful subway commute, you might first try another tactic. IMHO, I would suggest starting small and with folks who know and love you well. For me, it was a big deal when I told a few close friends. One was very compassionate; another didn’t get why the sweat was such a big problem.

After those baby steps came bigger breakthroughs….including one at a week-long yoga retreat workshop 10 years ago. As you might guess, the folks who go to yoga retreats also enjoy holding hands as a group. I like to make fun of this “type” of person, as if there is a type. The truth is, I’m one of them. Hey, some people like NASCAR. I happen to like tofu and twig tea and communing with people who say things like “Just be.”

So I signed up for a “Radical Self-Acceptance” workshop, which turned out to be a place where you could really let it all hang out. Here, primal screams were about as common as “would you please pass the salt” at Thanksgiving. After hearing about all the problems others had, from STDs to distant dads to cheating hearts, I figured I’d add my sweaty palms to the mix…it would probably be anticlimactic. So I disclosed to the group that I am afraid to hold hands with others and why.

As I spoke, someone reached out and held my hand. I remember how incredibly good this touch felt. A self-built barrier between me and others was beginning to crumble. For the rest of that week, during those previously dreaded group-hug hand-holding team-building moments, many in the group rallied behind me. They even sought me out to hold my hand. Maybe my sweaty palms weren’t as gross to others as I had thought?

This doesn’t mean that I suddenly had dry palms or became anxiety-free in social situations. But it was a big breakthrough… a reason to hope.

More on Dr. Burns coming soon…

The joys of being a high school graduate

I really appreciate Catherine's response to my June 23 post. It was nice to get some feedback from a reader. Plus Catherine reminds me of myself as a Catholic school student afraid to shake hands during Mass.

I had elaborate strategies for avoiding the "sign of peace" handshake during Mass:
1) position myself near some of the nicer students or those too polite to laugh at me
2) sit near the aisle for a quick escape before the handshake
3) stay home from school altogether.
4) make a joke out of it and give everyone the peace symbol rather than the handshake.

As you might guess, this was a lot of work!

Later on in high school, I began using Drysol. Though it helped reduce the sweating, it also caused my skin to itch and crack. I recently learned why this happened from www.sweatsolutions.org --my technique of applying the Drysol and wrapping my hand in plastic overnight is not recommended because it causes skin irritation--d'oh!)

Now I can go to a mass and shake hands without feeling anxious (OK, well maybe a little). My hands don't seem to sweat as much now that I'm less anxious--even when I'm not using the Drysol. Or if they do sweat, no one seems to notice. Older people (in general) are less likely to comment on sweaty palms than high school students.

More importantly, I'm a lot less worried about what others think of me now that I'm out of high school. I wish I knew than what I knew now: just about everyone in high school feels like a freak for one thing or another.

This is my roundabout way of saying to Catherine and other high school students to hang in there...it gets easier.

I stumbled on another blog written by someone who has hyperhidrosis. Gretchen's blog is not about her hyperhidrosis--rather it's about technical jobs at Microsoft, where she had worked as a recruiter until a few months ago. (Talk about a job involving lots of handshaking!) In one of her blog entries, she mentioned the sweaty palms she gets before conducting job interviews.

It's good to see a fellow person with palmar HH doing so well in corporate America...yet she still has the courage to talk about her condition in a public forum. Thank you, Gretchen!

The Balancing Act

Sometimes it feels a little odd to write this blog. Is this navel-gazing? Is it really useful to other people? Is this too much self-exposure? What about all the other issues in the world that are so much more important than my own emotional struggle? And what about all the other subjects and interests that occupy my mind...writing, art, being outdoors, social justice, peace, etc.? We are all so much more than the medical conditions we face.

When I was a child, I told my mother about my sweaty palms and how I was scared to go to church or to a school dance. "Just wipe them off on your pants," she told me. Then she would try to reassure me by telling me how lucky I am compared with other children because I have a nice home and enough food to eat. Or how lucky I am because getting good grades in school came easy to me. She had a valid point, but unfortunately, I ended up feeling worse. I felt guilty for feeling bad about my sweaty palms--there are starving children in Africa and I'm worried about a little sweat? The result was that I didn't get the help I needed.

I've come to see the importance of balance when it comes to dealing with hyperhidrosis. You have to get yourself the medical and emotional help you need in order to live a full and happy life. You need to acknowledge and let yourself feel the emotions that arise in response to your condition, whether that be sadness, anger, or fear. And not to judge yourself for feeling that way.

On the other hand, it helps to look beyond yourself. To see and feel compassion for the struggles of others. It helps put your medical condition in perspective.
Perhaps you might even take action to help ease others' suffering. You might appeal to your Congressional representative to take a stand against the genocide in Darfur, a region of the African country Sudan. You might pray for the people of Iraq and our troops who are in so much danger. You might focus on your local community, volunteering to tutor a student.

I'm no Mother Theresa, but I do volunteer a few times a month at a local assisted living facility, visiting an older gentleman who is unable to leave the building alone. He likes to have visitors. He teaches me chess, and each week as I lose yet another game to him, I "build character." (-:

When I take the spotlight off myself, I find that my social anxiety (and the excessive sweat that results) isn't so bad. My sweaty palms are the last thing on my mind when I'm getting my butt kicked in chess! When we finish the game, we thank each other and shake hands. This must be what they mean by the expression 'healing touch.'

What You're About To Read Is Very Poignant And Serious. Very, Very Serious.

Sometimes when I’m relaxed, my hands and feet sweat—even first thing in the morning before I get out of bed. Other times, I’m totally dry. It doesn’t make sense…my sweat glands seem to be on their own schedule. Like I’ve got an automatic lawn sprinkler, and someone rigged it so I can’t turn it off.

When I’m nervous, my hands and feet sweat even more. And when I know I’m going to be in a situation where my sweat might be noticed, well, that’s when the lawn sprinkler gets supplemented by a garden hose. I think it’s always helpful to have a scapegoat for these sorts of tribulations, so I blame the extra sweat on an imaginary bald, fat, retired, lawn care-obsessed gentleman with too much time on his hands. He is standing on my palm, watering me with a very pricey garden hose from Smith and Hawken. He wears a Hawaiian T-shirt and hums Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline.” (Yes…Neil Diamond rocks!) The man cannot stand it that no matter how much he waters my palm, I do not grow AstroTurf. He is worried...will the neighbors scoff at his pathetic lawn?

It helps me not to take this disease too seriously whenever possible. Oh, any suggestions of names for my garden hose man are welcome. I was thinking Igor.

A Letter to My High School Religion Teacher

Dear Mr. S.:

You might not remember me, but I remember you. You were the new. young 9th grade teacher who wanted to be considered ‘cool’ by your students. You were my teacher for a semester, for the “Death and Dying” class, one of the most important classes I took in high school.

I remember the day my friends and I joked around with you in the hallway. I had been feeling very outgoing around that time of high school. My best friend at the time was so confident that she did handstands on the lawn in front of the school, leaving infatuated freshman in her wake. I went along with her for this joyride. I remember the exact spot where you spoke with me and my friends—in front of the Writing Center on the first floor. You responded to a joke I made by melodramatically shaking my hand. You thought this was funny—and it would have been if my hands hadn’t been so sweaty. You weren’t trying to hurt anyone. You just wanted to joke around with your students. I tried to snatch away my hand, but you shook it anyway, pumping it up and down several times.

“Eeeww!” you exclaimed in a voice that seemed louder than the school’s PA system. “Wet fish! Wet fish! Your hands so sweaty!” Everyone, including you, looked at me and laughed.

What you didn’t know is that I have a medical condition, hyperhidrosis. What I believed back then is that there was something fundamentally screwed up about me because of this condition. I vowed to protect myself by avoiding any situation in which my excessive sweat might be exposed—i.e., most situations involving social interaction. Not a formula for a happy high school experience.

This joke was at my expense, and I paid a big price. To this day, I can see you and several students laughing at me. You, a teacher, someone I was supposed to trust, mocking me in front of my classmates. If I couldn’t trust my teachers or my parents to help me deal with my medical condition, then who could I trust? Why couldn’t I have normal hands and feet? You weren’t the only one to laugh or cringe at my sweaty palms. And each time I was laughed at, I vowed never to this happen again. I would protect myself at all costs. So I faded into the background, where it was safe but lonely.

I don’t want to be 35 years old complaining about high school. I do not hate you, Mr. S. I know you cared about the students and did your best to be a good teacher. I just want you and other teachers to know how much an innocent joke can hurt a self-conscious student alone in dealing with her medical condition. And I suppose I need to admit to myself how much pain I felt because of these experiences from my schooldays. A bottled-up feeling has to come out somehow, whether in a constructive or harmful way, whether sooner or later.

In our “Death and Dying,” class we learned the five stages of grief, as defined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I am grieving, too. All the time lost feeling bad about myself because of my sweat. The friendships that might have been had I been able to open myself to others. And the adventures I might have had.

Many days, more often than not, I feel strong and confident. Today, I feel sad. That lonely, scared, angry teenage girl is still part of me, and she has some things that need to be said. Though these feelings are messy, I will let them come out because they must. And I am learning to receive them with loving kindness.

Stepping Out

I went to a professional group's meeting last night to do a little networking. The wording of this sentence sounds funny to me because I don't consider myself a schmoozy/cocktail party/networking kind of person.

I used to think that this is what people did at professional events:

I circulate around the party like a hungry shark sniffing surfers, perfectly comfortable in my suit and high heels. I see someone who looks important, so I plaster a smile on my face and approach for the kill. 'Hey, I'm Tiara...so glad to meet you!" in the booming voice, laying on a sweat-free, iron grip handshake, oozing confidence rather than sweat.

Now I must follow the steps in the self-help book:
1) deliver my 20-second elevator speech: "I leverage results through innovative partnerships!"

2) quickly find out if this person is important enough to promote my upward mobility so I can move from associate sales analyst to assistant sales analyst! Quickly...time is money!

"So, what do you do?" I ask. "I'm a sanitation management engineer," he says. "In other words, I'm a garbage man."

I choke on a goat cheese cracker. "Oh that's fabulous! Excuse me while I freshen my already-full drink!"

OK, I know that most people aren't so obviously self-serving, though if there's anywhere you get that attitude, it's here in DC, where many of us connect our self-worth with our salary band. In reality, most people would like a good conversation and a laugh and to feel that others are genuinely interested in them.

I used to avoid networking events because I just didn't want to be bothered with 'phony' interactions. I was the Holden Caulfield of D.C., thinking the world is phony so why involve yourself too much? Of course, much of my aversion masked fear of having my sweaty palms exposed. The wet handshake from me, the funny look from her...standing alone, making friends with the potato chip bowl. Ick! It was easier to say "that's not for me" and skip the events than to admit "I'm scared." Then I noticed my colleagues who enjoyed these sorts of events also tended to get more interesting opportunities offered to them.

Over the years, I've relaxed and learned to feel comfortable much of the time at professional events. I've realized that most people don't notice the sweating, and if they do, it's not a dealbreaker. Or you make a joke about it. Most people will still give you a chance. And if they don't, then you just move on! (as you can see, the confident side of me is in charge right now)

My goal is to go to approximately five of these events each year. And while I'll probably never be a total extrovert, I often do enjoy myself at professional events. It's best to think of them as adventures...a chance to meet people with interesting stories. Sometimes they're boring or I'm boring to them or I get left standing alone, but that happens to just about everyone, sometimes. (Except maybe Bill Clinton and Bono. )

OK, so my feet sweated so much that they were stained black by my shoes. But I also left with the business card of someone from a start-up company that is hiring. She wants to meet me for coffee. Plus I get to do an informational interview with someone who has a really intriguing speciality that I had never heard of before that evening.

For an introvert like me, the best part of all is going home after the event. Now you can really appreciate the chance to cuddle up with a book, your cat, and your boyfriend or girlfriend (and if you're really lucky, all three at the same time!)

The 'Trance of Imperfection'

I suppose that most people have a quality or qualities about themselves that they feel ashamed of. The human mind magnifies the severity of these so-called ‘handicaps,’ as well as their perceived impact on others.

I’m sure I could find some kind of book or class that would help me with my shyness in certain social situations. In Washington, there are an endless array of classes targeting self-improvement junkies like myself. Or I could join the Toastmasters or become a Mary Kay saleswoman or a Macy’s Elf or a duvet demonstrator.

On the other hand, why do we have to constantly change ourselves? Meditation teacher Tara Brach, author of “Radical Acceptance: Accepting Your Life With the Heart of the Buddha,” calls this the “trance of feeling separate and unworthy.” “We free ourselves from the prison of trance as we stop the war against ourselves and, instead, learn to relate to our lives with a wise and compassionate heart,” she writes. Brach quotes renowned seventh-century Zen master Seng-tsan, who taught that true freedom is “without anxiety about imperfection.”

Thanks to my yoga and meditation practice, I have moments in which I accept myself as I am—sweaty palms and all. I would like to experience these moments as the norm rather than the exception. When these moments do come, I feel so calm and content. And miraculously, my palms and feet aren’t sweating!

Let the Summer 2006 Footwear Games Begin!

Summer is rapidly approaching here in Washington, D.C., a city built on a swamp. The spring has been beautiful, and I've been spending as much time as possible playing outside and soaking up the sunlight and the songs of the birds. This week, however, the hints of summer humidity began creeping upon us. Soon enough the wet hot blanket of a Washington summer will envelop us ...merciless days when you feel like you're swimming in a steaming bowl of split pea soup. For someone with hyperhidrosis, especially women, the approach of summer brings a footwear dilemma. If you wear sandals, your feet will sweat so much the shoes might fall off. Or at the very least, you'll develop embarrassing sweat stains. And if you don't wear sandals, you're hot and uncomfortable...and if you wear a skirt, you'll need to wear nylons on a 95 degree day. Ick!

Today was the hottest, most humid day of the year to date. Even before I left my apartment, my palms and feet were wet. Though I wanted to go sockless, I wore closed toe shoes and carefully chosen knee-highs--the kind that are dark enough not to show the black stains left when my shoes meet my foot sweat. But light enough not to show the actual sweat. As I write about this, I can see how boring and trite these details might seem. With all the problems in the world...economic injustice, war, poverty, Britney Spears' car seat blues...here I am yapping about the selection of knee-highs. But this is what having hyperhidrosis is all about. You start obsessing over these small things. You know it's ridiculous, but it's hard to stop. You long to wear fashionable, affordable, flattering sandals that obscure the fact you're sweating like a pig. (Editor's note to self: Do pigs really sweat?). We all want to look beautiful, even as we are concerned about more important things, such the folks suffering in Iraq. Unfortunately, the more you obsess over small things such as knee-highs, the less energy you have for the big things.

Like today. I felt a little anxious about my sweaty feet, so for the most part, I kept to myself at the office. The friendly mailroom guy teases me that I'm always glued to my computer. Outside my cubicle, I could hear the glad handling and greetings of a board meeting. Corporate types congenially shaking hands. If I had a camera, I could have taken pictures of them and sold them as corporate clip art. You know, the kind of images displayed in the windows of banks or in motivational newsletters produced by H.R. departments.

The board members--mostly men but a few women--exuded a sense of comfort and "I belong." You've got to have that confident aura in order to rise in the ranks. And the corporate look...Women in red, tailored suits with sensible Hilary Clinton-esque black pumps. Men wearing their armor--black, grey, and navy suits--with comfortable, shiny shoes. I sense that this is not exactly my scene, but I sometimes wonder if I hadn't spent my life avoiding 'exposure' as a sweaty-palmed person (egad!) if I would have felt more comfortable wielding this kind of power.

Actually, the boardroom meetings are one thing I don't mind missing out on. Maybe hyperhidrosis has its benefits?

I've been thinking about the insightful comments that Bob S. made regarding my last post. Which comes first--social anxiety and feeling like an outsider OR sweaty palms? I suppose for me, feeling like an outsider came first. The sweaty palms, which started in junior high, made things worse for me. It started a cycle of sweaty palms and feeling anxious that has been so difficult to make. Maybe it would help to think back on when I first started feeling like a geek.

In kindergarden, I didn't know how to join in or make friends. I was a wild child with messy hair, food spills on my shirt, and dusty shoes. After years of having been ostracized by the mean girl down the street and her two cronies (who were really nice to me when Mean Girl wasn't around), groups of girls terrified me.

Plus, I didn't quite fit in. When we played house, all the girls wanted to play either the mother or the daughter. I always played the family dog. And I enjoyed it!

For Halloween, most of the girls dressed as princesses. I dressed like a horse. I felt glad about this because there was a prize at stake, and there was no way they would give it to a 'plastic princess' in a costume bought at a supermarket. As the parade started, I faced a dilemma: if I walked on all fours like a horse, I'd fall behind. And if I stood up, then I wouldn't be a very convincing horse! So I walked on all fours whinnying and shaking my tail. It was a blast! Suddenly, I looked up. The parade was over. Everyone was way ahead of me, filing back inside the school. I was all alone. I rushed back to the classroom to collect my prize for the best costume. And the winner? One of the plastic princesses.

This was one of the first of many clues that the world did not smile on girls like me. But when I think back on that tomgirl, I smile. I love it that I played a horse in the parade and ran wild in the woods and dug up my own vegetable garden and loved worms and frogs...I want to channel into some of that fearlessness I used to have.

I love the little tomgirl in me so much, even when she's making trouble. (-:

The Attack of the Slimy Shyness!

I'm sitting at my desk, pecking away at my keyboard, when one of my colleagues comes around rounding up people for a good-bye party for another colleague. She seems to be a soft-spoken person. Friendly, cordial, but not outgoing. Nice, but bland. She's from Idaho. Like a plain baked potato. Predictable, comforting.

When I walk in the conference room, 25 people are there chatting in small groups. This is when I panic. Who do I talk to? How do I know where I am welcome? I've worked at this place for two years, but no one seems very warm towards me. I do make an effort to be friendly around the office. What do I do? Am I looking uncomfortable, and is my discomfort translating as unfriendliness? Chances are, no one has even noticed me walk in. Chances are, someone else is as uncomfortable as I am.

Fifteen minutes of speeches about how wonderful she is, how much she will be missed. And how much she will miss all of us. I wonder if I left the organization, would they have a goodbye party for me? Would anyone care? I'd probably get a card signed by people in my division. "Good luck!" And maybe a lunch from my boss. If they held a good-bye party for me like the one they did for my colleague, I'd probably start weeping. When I leave the company, I would really like for that party to happen.

As soon as the cake is served, I take it back to my desk and resume my keyboard-pecking. I can hear the others in the conference room laughing and having fun.

There is hope: I went swing dancing last weekend, and I actually had fun! My boyfriend and I took a lesson at Glen Echo Park in Glen Echo, Md. The lesson was set up so you switched partners every minute. I must have danced with about 40 people in the course of an hour. My hands weren't distressingly sweaty, and I noticed that a few people had sweaty palms, but it was no big deal. It was not the grossest thing in the world. For once I was on the other side...the receiver rather than the giver of sweaty palms. It wasn't bad at all. It helped that the dance took place outdoors under a pavilion and that the weather was cool.

Just when I thought I was over the hump...I had another sweaty palm moment. I had to see a physical therapist about some pain in my arm. She held my arm and hand in various positions as she tested my range of motion. "Why so sweaty?" she said. "I have hyperhidrosis," I replied. "My sweat glands are on their own schedule."

"How long have you had it?" she asked. "Since I was around 12," I said. End of conversation. She continued with the testing.

I sensed the PT might have been a little grossed out, and I must admit that I did feel a little embarrassed. But the appointment went on without incident. This is something I might have avoided in the past out of fear my sweaty palms would be noticed, so the more practice I have doing these kinds of things, the better. Sometimes the palms are sweaty, and sometimes they're not. The less I worry, the less likely they are to sweat. It's a medical condition, and it's also a psychological condition. I can't always control when my palms will sweat or not, but I can control how I view the sweating and myself. As I said before: there is hope.

I'm not sure if anyone has read my blog yet. How do you get people to read a blog? I write for a living, so I could figure this out, but I don't feel like it just yet. I'm not quite ready for a lot of attention yet. But it would be nice to get a few comments.

An April 20 NPR story by Allison Aubrey covers a study on the use of botox to prevent excessive sweating in teens. I've explored this option with my dermatologist, and he said that first we must prove to the medical insurance companies that Drysol (now it has a different name, Hypercare) doesn't work for me. If I were to pay out of pocket, it would cost $2,400 to treat just my hands for 3-6 months. I feel like I can live with the sweat. But it's so easy to slip back into habits I developed as a teenager to hide my condition. If I found a medical cure for the sweat, would I feel normal in social situations? Probably not right away, but it would be a big help.

I saw a newspaper story about a teen leadership program. There was a picture of happy teenagers learning to dance with partners. If I had been a teen in that room, I would have fled. There was no way I would let someone hold my sweaty hands. Sometimes they used to get so sweaty I see drip marks on the ground, or wet marks on my cuffs. Nor would I have let anyone see my anxiety. I would have pretended that the event or the people didn't matter to me, that I had better things to do. When deep down, I needed so much to feel closer to others.

If anyone is reading this...what do you do to hide your hyperhidrosis?

My attempt to rejoin the human race

Sweat stains under your arms. Hearing the dreaded comment: "Why are your palms so sweaty?" Slipping out of a pair of sandals because your feet are so damp...or avoiding sandals completely, wearing shoes with socks all year round (even when you live in a swampy, steamy climate and would like nothing more than to wear a nice dress without pantyhose!) Avoiding places where you think you might have to hold hands as a group. Not trying karate because you have to walk in bare feet, avoiding dancing because you need to hold hands...avoiding or fearing any activity that might reveal the fact that you are one of the 4 percent of people who have over-active sweat glands.

Welcome to the world of hyperhidrosis--a medical condition that results in uncontrollable sweating of the hands, feet, and underarms. I have had hyperhidrosis since age 11. I'm now 35. Things are much better for me now than they were in my teen years. I've figured out how to avoid the sweat stains under my arm. I'm relaxed enough at most social functions that I can shake hands without leaving someone with a sweaty memento. But I still avoid church (where we exchange the 'sign of peace'), and I still haven't summoned up the courage to try karate. I'd love to salsa or swing dance, but I'm afraid to dance with a partner. (I think I could do it, and that I'd even like it, but I keep putting it off!) The older the get, the more determined I become to stop hiding parts of myself out of fear that my hyperhidrosis will be discovered. When you're focused on hiding parts of yourself, you're not fully enjoying life. And others are missing out on all you have to give.

I'm tired of hiding. As Auntie Mame said, "Life's a banquet, and only the fools starve." Well, I'm hungry!

I am writing this blog in hopes of providing support to others in their struggle with hyperhidrosis. And I could use some support for myself, too! I'm going to share my experiences and struggles, as well as the things that have helped me. I hope you will do the same. Maybe we'll even have a few laughs along the way. For example, what's a good career for someone with hyperhidrosis? A Riverdance dancer (i.e., Irish dancers who keep their arms by their sides.)

If you are one of the many teenagers out there who suffer from hyperhidrosis, please know: You are not alone. There is help for you out there. It gets better.

love, Tiara